Sharing Our Stories in 2021 – April

THE "SHARING OUR STORIES" PROJECT

April's Story by Beth Bokan

We are delighted to share Beth Bokan’s beautiful story about her mother for our April blog post.  Beth describes an unfolding mother-daughter story that may be familiar to many of us as daughters. Her sensitive and thoughtful reflections on her changing perceptions of her mother help us to see how patience, love and effort can deepen and strengthen this very important connection between two women. Beth reminds us that no matter what a relationship has been in the past, it is possible to find common ground and understanding.

Beth Bokan

Welcome to spring and thanks for reading our April story about patience, understanding and new beginnings.

Love, Carol and Vv

Beth Bokan is a devoted mother who brings a strong intuition, patience, kindness and wisdom to her very positive relationship with her delightful grown-up son, daughter and step-daughter and to being a grandmother to two precious grandchildren.  Her listening skills, sense of humor and deep caring for others are also assets in her multiple roles which include sister, daughter, aunt, wife, and dear friend.   Beth is a 20-year federal employee where she serves as a supervisor and uses her many skills to provide support to colleagues and staff.  Beth lives in Swanton, Vermont, with her husband, two sweet cats and two adorable dogs.

Beth's Story about her Mother and Their Relationship

I chose to write this story about my mother to show that while not every mother-daughter relationship is idyllic, it is possible to find a place of comfort and peace in the relationship.

My mother, Phyllis Morehouse, was born on April 1,1948 in Johnsburg, New York, fourth in a family of 10 children. Her father passed away when she was 12 years old leaving her mother to care for their large family. They were a close family that endured their share of hard times. They grew up without a lot of luxuries and the older kids were expected to help care for the younger ones.

When my mother was 19, she met my father, Chuck Shuler. They married in 1969 when she was 21, had my brother Ray the following year and I was born the year after that, in 1971. My sister Becky was later born in 1983. Our family was like most others, young with big dreams and my parents tried to make our life as enjoyable as they could.

Baby Beth and her Mother Phyllis

I began my life with my mom like most little girls do. I had happy memories of her being home, making my lunch after I got home from kindergarten and letting me watch the Andy Griffith show. I remember her putting me down for naps, fixing my hair and making sure I had pretty clothes to wear. I knew my mother loved me. As time went on, my parents experienced financial difficulties that made life very stressful. The financial issues continued for several years. Along with other factors, the struggle to care for and provide for her children was trying and changed my mother in many ways. She suffered from depression and anxiety, eventually relying heavily on my brother and I to take care of most of the house chores and even contribute to the household financially when we had summer jobs.

When I was in my early teens, I clearly remember beginning to resent my mother for various reasons. I couldn’t understand why it was so hard to financially provide for my siblings and me. I knew it wasn’t just her responsibility, yet most of my anger was directed at her. I was frustrated because of the pressure put on me and Ray to keep the house clean and help take care of Becky. I was baffled by the fact that she was not confident in the way she handled herself. I found myself thinking I did not want to be like mother. As a young girl that was a very sad, sobering thought. All girls should look up to their mothers and want to emulate them; at least that’s what I believed.

Young adult Beth with her mom

As I navigated my teens and early adulthood, I made every effort to be strong, independent and take care of myself. I moved out of my parents’ house at 17 when I went to college, only returning for a brief time two or three years later. I worked full time, had my own apartment and tried my best to be opposite of the person I thought my mother was. Unfortunately, during this time, I really attempted to shut my mother out. I did not want her advice or direction. I thought I was capable of handling my life my way. I realize it is normal for young adults to want to live life on their own terms, but for me it was another step in my process of not becoming my mother.

A few years after living on my own, I got married. I had my son Evan when I was 24 and my daughter Emma at 27. My kids’ father and I made a nice home for them and tried to give them the “all-American” childhood. My parents would come to visit, and I often brought Evan to New York to see them. My mom clearly loved being a nana and doted on Evan. After Emma was born it was evident how much she loved both kids and I saw my mother really blossom as a grandmother. She and I had started to grow closer and she became my sounding board for child-rearing issues. I loved seeing this new side of her. However, after Emma was born it became difficult to make frequent trips to New York. When I stopped making so many trips to New York, the rift between her and I began to resurface. I couldn’t fathom why my parents, especially my mom, would not try to visit their grandkids more often. After all, my kids were their only grandchildren at that time. I was hurt because I felt like we weren’t important, and I hurt for my kids because they didn’t get to see their nana regularly.

Beth, Mom, Brother

Throughout the next several years my relationship with my mother remained strained at times. One thing I began to realize, though, was that my mother never once turned her back on me. I had some rough times through my late twenties and thirties, divorcing twice and suffering from bouts of depression. I felt ashamed that I couldn’t manage to stay married and it really affected my sense of self-worth. My mother never wavered in her belief that I would come out of those years stronger than ever. I was still skeptical of her support and didn’t open my heart to her completely, but it was comforting to me to know that I could turn to her when I needed to.

When I was 42, I finally met a man who accepted me despite my faults and quirks; we got married 4 years later. My mother was fully accepting that I was going to try marriage a third time. I was still embarrassed that I had two divorces under my belt, but my mom never made me feel that I was less worthy because I hadn’t yet been successful in marriage. She loved my new husband Rick and was happy that I was finally happy. Through my mother’s continual acceptance, I began to see her for the sensitive, kind, loving woman she really was. I no longer focused on her weaknesses. I no longer felt anger toward her. It was a true awakening for me.

Four years ago, not long after I married Rick, my mother was diagnosed with lung cancer. I remember being so worried that I’d lose her. We were finally becoming closer and my relationship with her was very special. We were friends and enjoyed many laughs and good conversations. I wanted so badly for her to recover so we could keep moving toward the relationship I always wanted with her.

Sadly, after months of continual hospital stays, it became apparent that my mom would not survive her illness. Her body was ravaged, the cancer had spread to her brain and she could not handle any more treatment. When my family met with her doctors to learn of her prognosis, they told us she had hours to days to live. My brother, sister and I were devastated. The person we had grown to rely on for unconditional love and support was going to leave us. She had suffered so much in the seven months since her diagnosis, yet she fought the disease with amazing grace and dignity, never once complaining. She was a true superhero. I knew at that moment that I wanted to see her out of this life with as much love and comfort as she had given my siblings and me. I told my brother and sister I wanted to stay with our mother at the hospital through her last days and they were gracious enough to let me step in and take care of her.

Beth and her Mother

The next five days were probably the most meaningful in my life so far. I stayed with my mom almost 100% of the time, feeding her, keeping her comfortable, helping the nurses change her bed and clean her. I slept next to her, held her hand and stroked her head when she was upset. I polished her fingernails and put makeup on her so she felt pretty. When she lost function on her left side and was afraid she wouldn’t be able to hold my sister’s new baby when she was born, I comforted her and told her not to worry, we’d make sure she could hold the baby. I wanted nothing more than to make sure my mother left this world knowing how much she was loved.

About halfway through those last five days, my mother exemplified the true love that mothers feel for their children. It was September 19th, the day before my birthday. Even though my mother was not able to communicate well and not always lucid at this point, she said, “tomorrow is your birthday.” When we woke up the next day she said, “happy birthday.” I said, “Mom, you remembered.” She replied, “you’re my baby, I would never forget your birthday.” I knew at that moment how much my mother loved me. I knew without a doubt that I wanted to be just like her. My mother passed away three days later. Though I regret not realizing sooner how wonderful my mother really was, I find comfort in knowing she and I were able to find peace and love in our relationship before she died.

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Sharing Our Stories in 2021 – March

THE "SHARING OUR STORIES" PROJECT

March's Story by Sherry Senior

Welcome to our March blog post written by Sherry Senior.  Sherry’s story features her reflections on the life of her fabulously interesting mother, Gillian Senior.  While many mothers and daughters have close and loving relationships, the relationship between Sherry and Gillian is such a special one as the two often bring their artistic synergy to productive and exciting new projects together.  Sherry’s narrative about Gillian’s life and their relationship is heartwarming and inspirational and invites us to examine our own selves as mothers, as daughters, and as strong women.

                               Thanks for reading another beautiful SHARED STORY with us!

                  Love, Carol and VV

Sherry Senior

Sherry Senior is a woman whose creativity finds its way into everything she does.  Through her design business, Sherry Senior Designs, www.sherrysenior.com. Sherry brings imagination and beauty to local homes and businesses. Roadhouse Studios,  www.roadhousestudiosvt.com, which she owns with her mother, Gillian Senior, provides fun and educational opportunities for artists of all ages.  Her Essentrics classes now on zoom use her teaching skills and elegant dance ability to get her students happily moving and stretching.  A busy professional, mother of two wonderful adolescent boys and wife to a busy fellow entrepreneur, Sherry also uses her always positive energy for snowboarding, biking, climbing and adventuring with her family and friends.

Sherry's Story About Her Mother

I would like to thank Carol and Veronica for creating this platform for women to tell their stories. I am by no means a writer and feel completely out of my comfort zone whenever asked to write anything, but I quickly jumped to the challenge as I knew an opportunity like this can only mean growth.  When thinking about what to write it didn’t take me very long to decide about the subject matter. 

Have you ever wondered about the people in your life and how they have affected, influenced or impacted it?  It may have been a coach, teacher, mentor, parent, sibling or good friend that has made an undeniable difference in the person that you are today.  For me, it is without question my mother.

2021-03 Gillian

My mother, Gillian or as most call her “Jinx” is probably one of the most extraordinary people that I have ever known.  Not just because she is my mother, but because of who she is and what she has overcome to be that person. 

In 1931 Jinx was born in Mumbai India formerly known as Bombay.   She was born to English parents and attended boarding schools in India and Switzerland.  She rarely came home for the holidays and was sent to the same schools as her younger brother primarily to look after him. Her family life was remote and practically non-existent with her parents.  They even divorced without her knowing until 4 years after the fact.  My mother never went on to college as her brother did; back then it was often considered a waste of money to send girls on to higher education.

2021-03 Gillian Jaeger

A natural beauty, in her late teens and early 20’s my mother did a stint of modeling for magazines such as Vogue and Good Housekeeping in India and New York.  She met my American father in India at the age of 20, and they married soon after.  My father worked for a large U.S. advertising agency which brought them to live in a number of European countries until settling just outside of Montreal Canada in 1965, where I grew up.  During those early years of marriage my mother played the role of corporate housewife and mother to myself and my 2 older brothers.

Soon after moving to Canada my father decided to leave the corporate world and pursue a career as a fiber artist, fulfilling his artistic drive.  Together with my mother, they started a weaving business out of our home, making wall hangings, large tasseled throw pillows and ponchos. They were mostly self-taught and learned as they went. Before too long they became very skilled at weaving. I remember as a small kid crawling around the looms in our living room and helping to stuff large pillows.  It was an exciting and adventurous place to grow up.  This business did well for a while and my parents earned national acclaim for many of their creations. 

My father branched out and started making very large woven sculptures that were commissioned to hang in the lobbies and boardrooms of large companies, and my mother continued to make woven pillows, ponchos and other clothing items.  After some very bad business decisions by my father and a fateful fire that burned down his studio, my parents were left in financial ruin.  My parents divorced, my father moved to the United States to start anew and my mother was left to pick up the pieces. She was awarded no alimony and chose not to pursue child support as she knew my father was unable to pay.  As a single mother this was a very difficult time being left to raise her three children on her own.

2021-03 Gillian Weaving Business

Over the next five years my mother built her weaving business, employing a number of people and had a series of retail stores in which she now sold upscale hand-woven jackets and sweaters that she designed.  These items were also being sold to high end boutiques and resorts across Canada.  As if this was not enough to keep her busy, she also opened a bedding store that sold antique beds and one of a kind handmade quilts of her design.   Her creativity seemed to have no bounds. 

In 1980 the financial recession hit and for the next several years my mother’s businesses suffered.  As a resourceful business woman, she looked for ways to keep her business going and took a chance by opening up a satellite store in Marblehead MA. As a young 16-year-old girl my mother and I made the decision that I would run this store on my own for the next few summers. This was my first independent experience away from home and one of many experiences that helped to forge my independent spirit. 

A few years later I moved to Toronto where I had been accepted to Ryerson University and started my studies in Fashion Design and Merchandising.   Soon after, my mother sold her bedding store and moved her weaving business to Toronto to be closer to me and to seek a fresh new start.  Within a short period of time she managed to get her woven clothing business (Jinx Senior Designs) back up and running.  She moved her business into a studio warehouse, furnished it with looms, and cutting tables and before long had a flourishing haute couture clothing business in which she employed about 12-15 people.  At this point she was selling her sought-after creations all over Canada and now into the U.S.  This business was not without its ups and downs but what I witnessed my mother build was both inspirational and remarkable.  What was even more unbelievable was that all of these accomplishments were born from a woman that had no formal training in either business or fashion design, just an awful lot of courage, grit and tenacity.

2021-03 Gillian Jinx Senior

Her business grew and was very successful for another 25+ years.  During that time a lot happened. I graduated from college, worked in Toronto and decided the fashion industry was not for me.  In my early 20’s I moved to Burlington, VT and worked for a company my brothers had started.  Me and my two brothers now all resided in Burlington, VT. 

We have always been a very close family and my mother wasn’t happy just visiting us on holidays so she bought an investment property in Shelburne VT with my two brothers so that she could be closer to all of us.  This property had a great retail storefront that allowed her to open up a boutique that was very cool and eclectic selling gift/home décor, while simultaneously running her clothing company back in Toronto.  Fortunately, she had a wonderful business partner that allowed her to do both. Eventually at the age of 65 my mom decided to close her clothing company in Toronto and live full time in Vermont running her store in Shelburne and trying her hand as a watercolor artist. I was about 30 at this time and decided to start my own Decorative Painting Company following my mother’s entrepreneurial footsteps. 

Together we bought a duplex which was just around the corner from her store. I lived with a roommate on the bottom half and we rented off the top floor apartment.  It just so happened that my mother lived in the apartment behind her store so we were now living only a few hundred yards from one another. This was a wonderful time for both of us, as we got together almost daily for tea in the adjoining garden, sharing dreams of the future and bouncing creative ideas off of one another.  My mom loved that garden and worked hard to make it beautiful.  Did I mention that she found time along the way to become a master gardener?  My mom’s gardens were and still are beautiful and so artfully created.   Retirement really never suited my mother, for in her mid 60’s she went on to get her real estate license and bought several investment properties, a few of which she still property manages. 

Throughout our lives my mom and I have always been extremely close, sharing similar views and sensibilities about so many things.  When my parents divorced, I thought my world would end but somehow my mom managed to pick up the pieces and forge ahead with a strength I could not truly comprehend as a 12-year-old girl.  It was only as I became a young adult did I come to realize the extraordinary sacrifices she made in order to make mine and my brothers lives quite normal, safe and loving. 

As a young girl, when it was just me and mom she would often bring me along on buying trips for her stores. We would travel to the nearby cities of Montreal and Toronto and I would watch her wheel and deal with vendors like a pro.  I loved these outings and was always amazed at what mom accomplished.  I was so impressed and proud. She would have me work the trade shows, selling her creations to buyers from all over Canada. These were valuable experiences and would have a significant impact on the direction of my own life.   It was not just that my mom was this amazing self-made entrepreneur but that she went about it with such grace, humility and integrity.  She had very little training and no prior experience in what she was doing; she simply was learning as she went. She never seemed to let what she did not know slow her down. She was simply learning on the job and letting her innate talents guide her.    Even when times were tough, and they were, she never threw in the towel, and rarely had a negative attitude about our situation.  She had this inner strength and positivity that was unwavering.  

My mom was very liberal and gave me a lot of freedom to explore the world.  Very unlike the helicopter parenting that seems to have taken over today. She trusted me to a fault and in return I never wanted to let her down.   She was fun and outgoing and I only have the best memories whenever we were together. She accepted me for who I was and never tried to push me to become someone I wasn’t.   She made me feel grateful for all that I had.  I remember on one occasion as a teenage girl playing volleyball on the high school team, I had come to her after a game and complained about my legs. I said something like “mom, look at my thighs, they are so fat.  I hate them!  Why can’t I have nice skinny thighs?”  I will never forget her response, “you should be happy you have thighs!”  That was a kick in the pants for me.  She was right!  I had great sturdy athletic legs that worked.  She just needed to remind me.  She was good at that! 

My mother is incredibly well read.  She has always had an affinity for books, not so much fiction or novels but preferred to learn about real people, their lives and events in history. Because of her passion for reading, her knowledge of the world is vast.  I was always amazed by her breadth of knowledge.  This came to be very useful on many occasions none more so than during my college years. I remember taking an art history class and I needed to write a paper about the Renaissance period.  I was living at home during these years and I happened to go into my mom’s bedroom one night and asked her what she knew about that art period.  Within about an hour or so I had all the information I needed for my paper. I had to write quickly!  I needed to cut her off because she was going deep!    Forget going to the library, I had mom.  

I attribute a lot of my mother’s success to her positive outlook on life.  To say she is an optimist is an understatement.  Her positive can-do attitude is so uplifting that it’s hard to complain in her presence; she will always spin your negativity into a positive direction. At times it can be annoying because sometimes you just want someone to get down in the dumps with….she is not going there!  I see this positive attitude on a daily basis and it is never lost on me and the importance it has had in shaping my own approach to life.

2021-03 Sherry and Gillian

Over the years as I have grown from a young girl into an adult, mother and wife our relationship has taken on more of a friendship then that as a mother and daughter and in some ways, I consider my mother to be my best friend. I feel so fortunate that we have lived most of our lives in close proximity to one another as we have been able to share and enjoy so many life adventures together.  We love to laugh, especially at our favorite brit coms and love to talk about travel, art and fashion among other things. 

My mom has always had this great earthy yet sophisticated style that shows up in everything; decorating, fashion, cooking and gardening to name a few.  Her home is always warm, inviting, beautiful and full of life.   In high school I remember I loved to raid her closets and borrow one of her many flowing peasant dresses that I would pair with one of her big chunky belts then tie it together with my old Frye boots.  I thought I looked amazing because I looked a little like her.  All this style was very natural and real, void of any pretense. 

What I love most about being with my mom is that we have an unspoken understanding of one another.  We share similar sensibilities about so many things that we just get each other.  We often never make big decisions without the input of the other.  This can sometimes be annoying to some of our family members (mostly my husband).  If mom decides on a new couch or I on a new paint color for my bedroom, a stamp of approval usually is required from one or the other.   That’s just how it is!  Sounds a little codependent but I assure you it isn’t.  We just really like each other and respect one another’s opinion. 

I have to mention the fact that my mom has a great sense of humor and is easily amused.  She really enjoys finding the perfect greeting card for the right occasion.  Before anyone opens their present mom always says “did you read the card,” and is usually laughing well before anyone has had a chance to read their card.   This gets us all laughing despite what’s inside the card. 

My mom is now in her late 80’s and as I mentioned still has her hands in many real estate investments and is still property manager for a couple of them. She lives independently, drives and shops for herself.  She also makes a point to swim a few times a week. Mom has this amazing energy and of course her positive attitude that makes it difficult to see her as an older person.  She is the matriarch to our entire family of siblings, spouses and grandchildren.  There is nothing more important to her than the happiness and wellbeing of her entire family.  She is a sounding board to all of our issues whether they be of business or of a personal nature.   We value her opinion more than anything as she has lived this life full of challenge, risk and reward that brings perspective that is very wise and unique. 

My mom has been an amazing role model and guiding light throughout my life.  I feel so incredibly fortunate that she has paved the road for me and my brothers in such a remarkable way.   So much of who I am as a mother, a wife, a sister and a business owner is because of her and the life she has shown me.

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Sharing Our Stories in 2021 – February

THE “SHARING OUR STORIES” PROJECT

February’s Story by Cari Kelley

We are delighted to present the first story in our “Sharing Our Stories” Project.  Cari wrote this post on February 5, the birthday of her fabulous twins, Jacquie and Calvin.   Cari’s story, “They Have Taught Me So Much,” beautifully describes her experience as a mother.  Reflecting on that early birthday morning twenty-three years ago, Cari graciously shares her journey with the twins. She reminds us all of an important lesson:  parents may be their children’s first teachers, but parents can also learn much from their children.     


Happy February and Happy Valentine’s Day!

Love, Carol and VV

Cari Kelley is the very smart and very devoted mother of two loving and amazing children, Jacquie and Calvin.   She works full-time as the Workplace Donor Relations Manager at United Way of Northwest Vermont. Cari also runs her own travel business, www.carimeawaytravels.com and with her daughter, Jacquie, she is the co-founder of www.wheelsforjacquiefoundation.org

THEY HAVE TAUGHT ME SO MUCH

I agreed to write the column for February a few months back and was happy to do it. There is a specific reason why I chose February and I have tried starting this article a number of times with no luck. Well, today, February 5th, is the reason and I am just going to let it flow.

Twenty-three years-ago today, at 7:15 am and 7:23 am, Jacqueline Marie and Calvin John, entered this world weighing in at exactly 5 pounds each. I entered the hospital, during the worst ice storm in Vermont, after a visit to my doctor who informed me that I was in labor. I was 30 weeks pregnant and it was looking like they would be delivered and end up in NICU. I am pleased to tell you that because of the tremendous team at then Fletcher Allen Hospital, now University of Vermont Medical Center, I was placed on hospital bedrest and we were able to postpone my delivery for another 30 days. They never needed to visit the NICU and came home with me two days after delivery. There is a whole story that I could write about my experiences during this hospitalization, but truly, the meat of this story is in the years after the birth.

For the most part, Calvin and Jacquie were healthy, happy babies and keeping up with all the growth goals that the doctors like to see. Jacquie did have a few years where she had febrile seizures (seizures that would happen when she would spike a fever), which were truly scary and caused lots of tests and ambulance rides, but we were assured that they would pass in time. She had her last at the age of six…thank goodness!

It was at the time that they started to learn to walk that there was some question about Jacquie’s gait. I took her to the pediatrician, and he thought that it was most likely knobby-knees and her gait would straighten out in time. Something about that diagnosis did not sit well with me and my mother’s intuition was telling me to explore it further. Luckily for us, she was also under the care of a neurologist for her seizures, so at our next appointment, I asked him to watch her walk. She walked and ran up and down the hallway outside his office, and by the look on his face, I knew something was not right. He ordered a test but was pretty sure he knew what the result would be. After a muscle biopsy, in which I had to lay on top of her to keep her still (something I will never forget), the diagnosis came through; Spinal Muscular Atrophy, or SMA for short, a form of Muscular Dystrophy that atrophies the muscles.

Her father and I were devastated and did as much research as possible on this disease. The good news is that it has no impact on the brain. The bad news, she would slowly lose her ability to walk. Jacquie was born determined and we knew that we would take this on, day by day, and help her along her life’s path. In first grade, she was given an award by her physical education teacher and I will always remember what he said about her, “When you look up the word determined in the dictionary, there is a photo of this person there. She never gives up and pushes herself hard, and for this reason, I am pleased to present Jacquie this award.” You can only imagine the pride and emotion that I felt for her. I have raised her to verbalize what she needs, stand up for what she feels is right, and lean on me when she needed to.

Jacquie Kelley

Through it all, that is exactly what she has done. Jacquie graduated Magna Cum Laude from Providence College in May 2020, with a degree in Political Science and a minor in Music. She is currently living in Santa Fe, New Mexico, while her service dog, Moose (a 90-pound Golden Retriever) obtains his international certification. She will be attending the University of Leeds this fall (after her program was deferred because of the pandemic) for her master’s degree in Disability Studies. She will go on and advocate for the differently-abled, and I have no-doubt, will make her mark in this world. She uses an electric scooter to get around and is very independent.                                                                           

While Jacquie was struggling with her health, Calvin started to show signs of his own struggles. At one point, one of the mental health workers that was part of his team told me that he has, “survivor’s guilt”. It took me a long-time to get my head around what was going on for him, but as I reflect on it, I can see what they were trying to tell me. He just didn’t understand why his twin sister had SMA and he didn’t. I remember one day, when they were very young, he said to Jacquie, “Jacquie, if I could take your weak legs, I would.” That’s a lot for a little guy to carry.

It really all started in kindergarten when the decision was made to separate the two and give each of them their own classroom of kids. Calvin started to show signs of anger and aggression, something we never saw in preschool. There were lots of meetings and discussions about whether or not we should put them together, but in the end, it was decided to try and continue to help him in his own space. By the time he was in first grade, kids were starting to understand that he was different than they were, and many of them would push his buttons to see him explode. Once that happened, he would be sent to the principal’s office, and most of the time, sent home. This would happen regularly, and it came to the point where the school felt that Calvin needed different schooling.

During these formative years, he was learning the skill of “fight or flight” and his anxiety and depression was of major concern. The public school pushed us to enroll him in a school that addresses behavior concerns that is run through a mental health agency. After receiving a call at work that Calvin was under the table in his first-grade classroom, refusing to come out, and driving to the school to help him through this situation, we agreed that the move might make sense. So, he moved to The Baird School in the middle of his first-grade year.

He stayed at Baird until his 5th grade year, when I demanded that he return to the public school because he had lost so much of his academic learning. It was a fight. During an assessment meeting, the principal of the public school (who was different than the one that was there when he left) insisted that he be able to stay in the classroom 80% of the time. I looked at him and said, “I want everyone to be quiet for 30 seconds. (After 30 seconds) Now, you tell me that you could stay in a classroom with all the screaming, yelling, and swearing that is going on in the hallways right now.” He looked at me and gave in. Calvin would be returning to school that fall.

Calvin continued to struggle through school. I was so proud to see him walk across the stage of his high school graduation in June of 2016. He had worked so hard, and even though his internal struggles were something that we fought head-on, and still do to this day, he has the best sense of humor and the biggest heart.

Calvin Kelley

Calvin currently lives in Wisconsin, which is close to my family, and is doing very well. He has a wonderful girlfriend, who is solid, and they truly make a great team. For Calvin, it is all about his love of helping people. He has served as a Volunteer Firefighter when he lived in Vermont and is anxious to re-engage with a fire department where he finally settles. He loves the work and the firefighting family. I know that he will always be in a job that he is giving back and giving the best of himself.

Their father and I divorced in 2010, and shortly after, I found my true partner in life, Greg. He has no judgment, has been a positive father figure for my children, supportive, kind, and loving. He is truly my best friend and I am truly blessed. In the midst of all the pain from years ago, I would have never thought that I would find the peace that I have today.

I love my work in the community and I work full-time at United Way of Northwest Vermont as the Workplace Donor Relations Manager. Being a part of this incredible team and seeing the impact of the work that we do is inspiring. I am pleased to be able to help raise the funds needed to help others.

Jacquie with her Service Dog

In November, Jacquie and I formed the Wheels for Jacquie Foundation (www.wheelsforjacquiefoundation.org) a non-profit Foundation that works to provide transportation for the differently-abled. We do need to start by fundraising for Jacquie’s van, but will continue the work to help others. I could write an entire article just on the process of obtaining a driver’s license and accessible vehicle. I also own my own travel business (www.carimeawaytravels.com), and proceeds from the business will help the Foundation. Please keep us in mind as the world starts to travel again 😊.

My mother has been my rock and supported me throughout my life. I feel both of my grandmothers with me always, who shaped my core values. This morning, after wishing Calvin a Happy Birthday, he sent me this text:

“You’ve helped me more than you know Mom. I couldn’t ask for more. I am grateful for everything. Your life lessons are the best gift I could ask for…”

With that said, I would say that the challenges and pain have made us all grow stronger, and for that I am forever grateful.

Gratitude Heart
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Sharing Our Stories in 2021 – January

Announcing the “Sharing Our Stories Project”

Dear WWVT Blog readers:

Hello!   Welcome to this month’s blog. My dear grand-daughter Vv and I are excited to be collaborating on a new project. As the calendar turns to January 2021, we are delighted to announce that the blog is about to take a turn in a different direction.  During 2020, we enjoyed sharing the “Simple Gifts of Gentle Yoga” each month; however, we decided it was time to bring in some other perspectives and share the work of writing each month.  After some thought and discussion, we decided it would be interesting and fun to be able to feature some of the stories of our amazing and strong women friends and girl-friends.  We began contacting some of the women and girls in our lives and asking them to consider writing guest posts on the blog.  We asked them to consider sharing their stories, art, and more about their experience being daughters, granddaughters, mothers, and grandmothers.   We were thrilled with the quick and enthusiastic response we received and are now ready to launch this fun project.

We are very happy to announce that each month, beginning in February, a WISEWOMAN or WISEGIRL we know will be sharing her story here at wisewomenvt.com/blog.   We are sure that 2021’s eleven shared stories will be as smart and interesting as the smart and interesting women writing them.  We are giving our guest authors quite a bit of room to decide what they want to share and how they want to share it. We are hoping that after you read the instructions (below) that you might consider doing a story!  We have just a few slots remaining for stories, so if you’d like to be a guest writer, send us an email at carol@wisewomenvt.com and we will work with you to schedule a month for a story.

Our only instructions to our writers were these:

Please send us your story about your experience as a daughter, grand-daughter, mother or grandmother.   You can choose one of these roles to write about or you may want to share your experience in more than one of the roles. You may want to talk about what it was like to be your mother’s daughter. Maybe that was a gift or a nightmare.  Or you might write about how you didn’t really know your grandmother, but wish that you did.  If you didn’t know your biological grandmother, maybe another amazing woman provided grandmothering to you. Maybe you want to talk about the joys and challenges of being a mother, both in the past and in the present.  Or maybe you want to describe how being a grandmother changed your whole sense of yourself and made you revisit your relationship with your own grandmother. You can include photos, poems, art work, or anything you like to describe your experience and your feelings. We understand that each of us has her own unique experiences and it is important that you share yours as only you can share it.  You may be an experienced writer or someone who feels like writing for a blog is just exactly the kind of new stretch and challenge you need in 2021.  Maybe your story will be happy or sad or funny. Maybe it will be surprising or scary. Maybe it will be calming or worrying. Maybe it will be a way to share a significant learning you made about yourself and other important women in your life.   Or maybe it will be a way to share some uncertainty you are still trying to untangle.  Whatever your story is, we know it will be something only you can share.  And we know that the WISEWOMAN or WISEGIRL inside you is working on a way to better understand and share what you need to understand and share as you work your way through writing your story.   Stories should be between 1500 and 4000 words and should be submitted in a word document by the 5th of the month your story will appear in the blog.  Thank you so much for your willingness to contribute to the “Sharing Our Stories” Project.

Watch for the stories to start appearing in February!

The writers have their instructions and their writing begins. We anxiously await the shared stories we are about to read together. We hope you will enjoy this year of stories from WISEWOMEN and WISEGIRLS.

Love,
Carol and Vv

Mother Daughter Hiking
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